Paris Hilton has turned her multi talented hand to the art of playing records. Clearly this is another area she will master judging by her debut:

She can’t work out what speed to have her records at, but then that was something John Peel used to suffer from (playing 33rpm records at 45rpm). Not that she is anything like John Peel of course; don’t think he’d favour them spangly headphones. Although I do. Plus she is devoid of beard and musical encyclopedic knowledge.

Or at least as far as we are aware, who knows what other skills she has hidden away.

Regardless, I like to think I have the monopoly on the prancing dj in-a-fancy-get-up department. I can out-whirl her any day of the week and can actually play records at the right speed (well, sometimes…) but I don’t have a massive video backdrop of ME to top it off with. Not sure if anyone apart from me does actually want that, but my concern is thus: will Paris steal my gigs? Will they want the heiress rather than the pauper? I best get a job lot of diamante and glue them on my headphones sharpish as clearly I’m going to need all the weapons one can muster in this dance floor battle.

Tense times abound…