As highlighted many times, I am quite dreadful at updating my website. Nearly two whole months have passed without so much as a word appearing upon these cyber pages. Truly dreadful.

July is nearly at an end. The weather’s been ace. I keep doing mean things to my right leg / toes unintentionally. I’ve done some gigs. Here is a synopsis:

QUIZZICALLY CHALLENGED

At the Phoenix, We had an a special round in advance of the birth of Prince Cambridge and got the teams to draw a picture of what the Royal baby would look like. Half of them had tails. One was a pig / boy with orthodox Jewish hair and hat. None of them got it right. But we all had a marvellous time.

H&M 

Played the Oxford Circus store on a belting Friday afternoon. London was so hot that everyone skivved work and sat in the park. I didn’t. Although I don’t have what one terms a “proper job”. They don’t know my plight, my suffering, MY ART. (Neither do I)

W DOES BRUNCH

We did, and continue to, do Brunch every Sunday at the spangly W Hotel in Leicester Square. It’s the massive spaceship building plonked in front of the square. It’s super glam and super ace if you like lounging around in your slippers, reading the papers, eating and drinking delicious things and listening to music by me. Not by me as in I wrote it – this is never wise – but that I select and play because that’s what djs do and that. You should come along. Book in with Holly on 0207 758 1060.

FRIDAY NIGHT DISCO

Second Friday of the month. The Social. With me and like-minded dj friends. It starts at 7pm and stops at 1am. Pop bangers, party hip hop, disco a go-go and rnb pumpers. Free before 9pm too. What more can one ever want for  Friday night pray tell?

TOE / LEG

I broke my big toe. It wasn’t too bad a break, a mere crack in the top of the digit. At the hospital a week later, I was told and shown on my x-ray that unbeknownst to me, I had broken it six weeks before. HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS? Am I made of titanium? Maybe I am a robot after all. Cool. I hobbled through gigs. I didn’t liken myself to people with missing limbs like Jessie J did when she broke her foot though. With pop success brings great humility. Clearly, I have a way to go…

MINISTRY OF SOUND

Played right after Tongy and just before Tiesto obvs. (Was for Metro’s Summer Party, a private event) (No Pete Tong or Tiesto. I played after the canapes to a room of excitably and somewhat refreshed people who were enjoying themselves superbly). It will probably be the first and last time I ever play Ministry, one expects. Not sure I’m what the ravers are after. But I can certainly embellish this to impress the / my sister’s grandchildren. Although in the future, clubs probably won’t exist as we will all be able to virtually go there via a computer chip in our eyes, so whichever grandchildren I am recounting this tale too will be rolling their eyes at how uncool I am and my retro former life. Oh technology.

Ministry. My new residency. (When they lose their minds)

SHOREDITCH HOUSE

Played the Square Bar on the eve of its closure whilst they tart it up. It was a HOT night in London that night. Everyone was on the roof. As will I be on 30th August when I play next. PLEASE DON’T RAIN. PLEASE.

 LATITUDE

Annual Guilty Pleasures hoorah in the Comedy Arena (we’re so the LOLZZ) to a heady mass of hedonists at the Latitude festival. One of my favourite gigs of the year. Latitude is ace and in such a beautiful part of this here country. No rain, no mud (hooray!), lots of sun and lots of fun. Oh look, a rhyme. Despite a wally on the roof of Ipswich train station making the journey somewhat arduous (it involved trains, taxis, rapid leg motion and a coach with no air con and a dog that was insistent on standing on my feet – right leg / toe took most of the strain of course, because it’s cursed – in about 50 degree temperatures, it didn’t marr the amazement that is Latitude. It had a bloody good go though. But it was 1-0 in Latitude vs wally / journey.

GUILTY PLEASURES

To KOKO for a beach party for Guilty Pleasures. Wore a dress made of fake flowers which looked ace and a bit like a walking vase, but on a hot night in a club throwing yourself around in rhythmic style isn’t the most cooling of get ups. In toe news, pre-gig I poured a large and very hot cup of tea all over my foot – right one of course – which soaked my shoe and produced a blister as big as my little toe on my little toe. Like it was trying to create a sixth toe, or smother the actual toe. It was not dissimilar to How to get Ahead in Advertising, that film with Richard E Grant where he grows another head. But it was a blister rather than a head. So not that similar, but oh, you know.

Richard, I feel your pain. Oh I AM like Jessie J after all..

 

I did some other stuff too, not just regarding injuries either, but think we’ve all heard enough for now.

 

Ok bye.