Mayor Greenwood

For the last bank holiday weekend of the year, I was hawking my wares at Reading Festival playing host as the Mayor of Tuborg Town. It’s not a real town obviously. It’s a made up town, quite small in comparison to your standard town and there was only one type of drink served at the bar: Tuborg. A lager dictatorship if you will. I got to parade around my town all day resplendent in red sequined robes, making drunk people do daft things. They didn’t need much encouragement and it was a hilarious weekend all in all.

Reading. (You may have guessed that)

I’d never been to Reading before. (I’ve also never been a Mayor before. It has given me a taste for politics, as long as politics involves making people play pub Olympics, have dance offs and talent shows all whilst wearing a red sequined cape. I could do that full time I reckon). It’s still quite “indie” and has a distinct 90s feel to it, by this I mean you got the sense that a good deal of people there heavily used joss sticks. But I suppose the 90s are very much the thing these days what with the abundance of cycling shorts and bum bags present on hipsters these days. Or maybe that’s just Dalston. Whatever, maybe Reading is on trend as they say in the fashion.

Joss sticks – NO

It was full of teens being skinny and care-free in cut off denim and wellies resembling one meta results day / end of term party. As well as lying face down in the grass after drinking all the drinks that were available, drawing on themselves was a key trend. We had a tattoo parlour in Tuborg Town (all the essential amenities were provided), not real ones mind especially with what they were requesting, but ones that would last until their next wash. Hope they had that wash before they saw their mums as they were covered in swear words and drawings of men’s special parts. Note how I haven’t used the specific term, one wouldn’t want to offend (plus my Auntie Margaret may be reading, she’d go into a meltdown of Hail Mary’s if I used the actual words). Our tattoo girls refused to draw them on the yoof I hasten to add, as they weren’t sure if Tuborg wanted it’s most popular tattoo to be, well, what it was.

Squeezed in a Guilty Pleasures on the Saturday night at the Troxy at the Desperately Seeking Susan Cinema Party, which was pretty much the opposite of Reading: giltz, mega pop, no drawing of “parts” etc. Although it was heavily Madonna focussed, so there was some element of smut what with all that cavorting, rutting and pointy knockers she gets up to. How one gets up to pointy knockers I don’t know, but then I’m not Madonna. I’m Anna, ex-Mayor of Tuborg town.

Wedding bells this weekend as I’m off to Cornwall to entertain people drunk on love rather than lager. Although it’s probably both in some cases. Regardless, weddings are my favourite – even more so when they’re in they’re in the pastry capital of the country. ¬†Confetti and carbs await.


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