I love Lady Gaga. I think she’s amazing and bonkers and made pop interesting at a time when it looked like it was going a bit saggy.

But I don’t want to smell like her. Although I’ve never met her, so maybe I do. Maybe she smells incredible. I don’t think she smells bad; she looks like she keeps herself tidy.

However, judging by the advert for her debut fragrance, she smells a bit scary. I don’t want to smell scary. Who wants to smell scary? Don’t make me smell scary!