It’s Hallowe’en next week. Instead of going round Hackney dressed up as a disco witch trying to get sweets from terrified old ladies and hipsters who have only just got up at 7.30pm of an evening, I’ll be getting my glad rags on a week before for monster pop type goings on.

Thursday 25th I’ll be at the Old Vic Tunnels for the Zombie Horror Camp which sounds like a lovely getaway if you’re a fan of the walking dead. It’s not a real holiday camp of course, oh actually maybe it is and I’m the stupid one. Imagine. As far as I’m aware it’s not and I’ll be playing the zombie disco with Sean Rowley as other ghoulish goings on such as voodoo doll making, a grotesque strip club and lots of people covered in fake blood roll around shrieking happen around us. And a zombie run.

Zombies (ok, pretend ones) running at you. This terrifies me greatly. I may cry. Pretend or otherwise, zombies are a scary thing and I will scream. Maybe I am to play the part of the screaming girl in the horror film by way of adding to the theatricality of the party and I just didn’t realise until now. It wouldn’t require much acting, je suis un wimp.

It starts at 7pm. You can buy tickets here

Zombies waiting for the shop to open. They like shops it seems.

Saturday 27th the horror continues at Guilty Pleasures for the annual Hallowe’en disco which sees Camden High Street turn into an even bigger fright fest than it usually does in the daytime, as an army of vampires, witches, warlocks, ghosts, massive bastards etc descend upon KOKO for a whacking great big pop rave. It’s always a HUGE party and the security usually end up confiscating an arsenal of plastic weapons that could probably maim someone if you spent a good 40 minutes sawing at someone’s leg. But who has 40 minutes in their day to amputate someone? Modern life is so busy.

Anyway, last tickets for this are here but there’s not that many of them so I’d get one if I were you. And if you wanted to come of course. Otherwise just carry on. Have a takeaway, watch X Factor. Although all the acts are a bit boring this year so maybe you should get a ticket after all.

But still have the takeaway.