HELLO FROM A LAZY COW

A slattern, according to google image search

Hiya

You alright? Hope so.

I haven’t updated this site for ages because I am a dreadful slattern. That’s not the done thing in these modern times of fast paced internet media is it? Although, this website isn’t about the world, but still, bad form Anna.

ANYWAY, been doing lots of gigs and planning stuff and spending too much money on make up and sweets and not saving for a pension like what my sister does. But then she doesn’t prance about in daft get ups playing records for coin does she? No, she doesn’t.

It’s been an horrifically sad week for Manchester, my home town and for pop culture. I think it won’t stop being so awful for a very long time. It’s good to carry on and do stuff if you can and want to, but if you don’t, then that’s equally fine. Just doing massive cries are also 100% OK too.

In work terms, been playing in bars and clubs and Barcelona and Museums and private parties and weddings and hotels and that. And am doing some more of that this month here. Although, this month (May) is nearly done so you get June too. You can thank me later:

WEDDING – London, Saturday 27th May

They have a professional dance troupe and a mariachi band. Mega lolz await

BRUNCHW Hotel, Leicester Square, Sunday 28th May, 4th, 11th & 18th June

Best Brunch in town in London’s dazzling disco hotel. Come check it before it closes for the summer refurb!

RAZZMATAZZ – Barcelona, Friday 2nd June

Back in banging Barcelona for the night!

WEDDING – London, Saturday 3rd June

No details on a mariachi band AS YET

MIGHTY HOOPLA – Victoria Park, Sunday 4th June 

Playing a S/A/W ONLY set at London’s massive one day only pop parade

SWINGERS – London, Friday 9th June

NOT A SEX PLACE. Don’t worry Aunty Margaret, ’tis crazy golf. I may wear sequinned plus fours.

G-A-Y – Heaven (London, not the God place), Friday 16th June

Main room, all-killer no-filler whacking great big pop BANGERS

GLASTONBURY – William’s Green Bar, Thursday 22nd June – Sunday 26th June

Marathon djing weekend residency at the world’s biggest and most amazing festival. Come and see us and bring us an ice cream would you? Ta

PRIVATE PARTY – Chateau de Berne, Marseille, Saturday 1st July

Enchanté

 

2017 and that

Hello

Have been terribly tardy of late with the updates, sorry to anyone who is actually arsed.

Anyhoo, had a v busy December what with Christmas parties in their full swing and squeezed in a trip to Barcelona at the start of the month, as well as er, Bournemouth, but both were work not pleasure. Although, really, my work IS pleasure, especially when it’s by the seaside. Then it was actual Christmas so didn’t do nuffink work wise until NYE. But I don’t have to explain myself. You’re not the boss of me.

Before I quack on, must alert your ears and eyes to this LATEST PODCAST . This time on Anna Greenwood Likes to Talk, I talk to Zoe McNulty, a fierce fitness force, body confidence expert and all round excellent person. She is the perfect antidote to the January dieting / self hate yawn that is shoved in our face at this time of year and will make you put down the green smoothie, pick yourself up and learn how to WORK IT. She runs School of Strut which teaches women how bring some love to their chastised thighs, learn some amazing dance moves and have a right old LOL. Check her out here and listen HERE

Now to disco matters. I was kindly asked back to play the wondrous SouthBank Centre for their Vintage NYE party, which was just marvs. It was ace as ever and my dress was increds. I also managed to ruin it due to flailing limbs which are my signature dance move. WELL DONE ANNA. See before and after shots here:

   BEFORE
DURING
AFTER / DISASTER

(Mine hair etc)

Onto January larks:

W Does BrunchW Hotel – Every Sunday

Put your feet up, pop the slippers on and sink back into the sofas of the deluxe W Lounge as you are served up a Sunday sensation of food and drink with music from me! 12-4pm every Sunday, book in here 

Saturday Soiree – Soho House, Saturday 14th January

Shimmying my way up the stairs to the top of 76 Dean Street, shall be playing my decrepit vinyl and no doubt forgetting to take the covers off my needles as I am such a pro. 9pm – 1am

My Birthday – Monday 16th January

Same day as Kate Moss. Can guarantee hers will be 1000000000000x more fun than mine. I AM FINE WITH THAT.

G-A-Y – Friday 20th January

Start of my new monthly residency at London’s pop mecca. SQUEAL 11pm – 4am NON STOP BANGERS

Soho House – Thursday 26th January 

Thursday is the new Friday! Come and find out for yourselves at snazzy 76 Dean Street Soho House  10pm-1am

H&M Staff Awards Party – Friday 27th January

You can only come to this if you’re invited obvs, but you know, it’s my world ergo I shall spout about my carry on as I please.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Have a dreadful feeling there are other things I have forgotten. But this might be dreamt events masquerading as facts. This wouldn’t be the first or last time. Oh well. Shall update here / Twitter as and when I wake in the night in an anxious cold sweat about missed gigs etc

BYE

 

 

 

 

 

Gigzzzz

As am typing it is the first day of November and am not sure if the sun has come up at all today. This what I imagine it was like in medieval times, except this one day of gloom was pretty much standard for the whole era.

But I am not a serf and having to produce pig iron or whatever (my historical knowledge isn’t exactly accurate, or indeed knowledge) for a cruel lord. No, instead I prance about in daft get ups playing records and / or trying to be entertaining. They would have drowned me as a witch in ancient times. And some may still want to now.

Here is where I am at this month:

2ND NOVEMBER – IPA EFFECTIVENESS AWARDS CEREMONY – HILTON BANKSIDE

Playing, not being awarded / annointed

3RD NOVEMBER – KENZOXH&M LAUNCH – H&M REGENT ST

In store disco for this year’s mega ace clothing collaboration. LOOK AT THE AMAZING CLOTHES. JUST LOOK 

4TH NOVEMBER – G-A-Y

Back again!

6TH, 13TH, 20TH & 27TH NOVEMBER – W DOES BRUNCH, W HOTEL

My Sunday home where you dine like royalty and I soundtrack the laidback deluxe lounging

8TH & 22ND NOVEMBER – QUIZ! THE BROOKFIELD, DEPTFORD

New quiz hosting duty south of the river

15TH NOVEMBER – IPA MEDIA OWNERS AWARDS, BLOOMSBURY BALLROOM

Playing the after parteeeeeeeeeeee

18TH NOVEMBER – H&M CHRISTMAS PARTY

Favourite crew from favourite high st store, back after last year’s ridiculously ace carry on for another dose!

26TH NOVEMBER – CINNABAR, STEVENAGE

After launching with them last month, am back in town for another early doors disco

29TH NOVEMBER – IPA BEST OF HEALTH AWARDS, BLOOMSBURY BALLROOM

Doing a turn

 

There are some other dates TBC and that, but one doesn’t like to write them down in case they get jinxed and they cancel. So look at me twitter for latest outings in my musical adventuring

See you later, bye

Autumn Changes

Officially can play this now. I love how Donna rings the seasonal changes

Autumn is very much the avocado on toast season isn’t it? You know, hipster fave, instagrammed sunrises with mist and bountiful fruit markets and that. In reality it’s a heck of a lot of dark mornings, cold rain running down the back of your neck, massive coats and gloves and scarfs and STUFF and tights. URGH, tights. The worst. Holding out with the bare leg for as long as I can.

I prefer the summer – heat! Sunshine! Luridly coloured clothes! Sitting down wherever you fancy because the ground is dry! Sunshine! NOT RAIN! OH GOD I MISS IT.

It will return. But there are no guarantees in our climatically vile country.

At least we have disco. Thank God for that. Here’s what I’m doing this month / what’s booked in so far…

Wednesday 5th October – Speed Duetting, Lucky Voice, Islington

Hosting this love-match lolful singing fun

Friday 7th October – G-A-Y 

I return! Last time was AAAACEEES

Saturday 8th October – Jewel’s Catch One after party, BFI 

Playing alongside one of my FAVE people, DJ Neil Prince for this fantastic disco doc. ALL THE DANCING LADY EMOJIS

Thursday 13th October – Cinnabar Cafe, Stevenage, Launch Party

Saturday 15th October – Private birthday party, Sanctum Soho Hotel

Monday 17th October – Red Magazine Women of the Year Party, (!!!!!!) Skylon 

Saturday 22nd October – A party. Of details I don’t have as yet, but it will be AMAZING natch…

Tuesday 25th October – Quiz hosting! Camden Assembly

Friday 28th OctoberH&M, Oxford Circus 12-4pm

Every Sunday – W Does Brunch, W Hotel, Leicester Square. The best way to spend a Sunday. Promise. And I NEVER lie

Will add other stuff as and when, or just look at me twitter for hot off the press news from my fascinating world…

Tra

 

SEPTEMBER DISCO GO-GO

I would like some of these please

Hiya

I played at a pop up launch for Guilty Noodle at Old Street Station last night. It was fun and it was 24 degrees outside, thus naturally a heck of a lot hotter underground and combined with fake tan blocking ones pores and a heavily sequinned kimono jumpsuit, it was like working out in one of those sweat suits that people do for extreme rapid weight loss. A more glamorous looking one in theory, but in reality, just as much of a sorry soggy mess.

So, lesson is don’t wear a heavy sequinned article when whirling around playing records underground. Unless you like the sweaty look. I don’t mind it when I am dans le gym, I am just sorry everyone else had to experience it.

I did a lol-ful party last week in Picturehouse Central. THAT’S A NICE VENUE. A disco in a cinema (ok, member’s bar) is a very good thing. I would like to do more please.

This month workwise I am doing THIS:

A wedding in the Cotswolds, Saturday 10th September

Soho House, Friday 16th September

G-A-Y (S-C-R-E-A-M!!!), Friday 23rd September

Razzmatazz, Barcelona Friday 30th September

Aaaand, W Does Brunch at the best Hotel ever, W London every Sunday 12-4pm

There may be some other things popping up, so have a look at my Twitter as that’s where the latest hot disco chat can be found. Amongst outpourings from my tiny mind.

BYE

 

Weekend Work Workout!

Getting in training for the weekend of work WOW

Hiya

Have neglected to update the internet / WORLD on recent happenings because I have been somewhat distracted and / or forgetful. Not that anyone noticed tbh. Have been doing lots of gigs up and down and around this septic isle and drove a car for the first time oin six and a half years. I drove it for 500 miles in 36 hours. I don’t do things by halves. Also, I didn’t drive that far in that time frame for the heck of it, it was a work practicality thing. It still takes me six hours to get anywhere though. No idea how or why, especially in this modern age and google maps and that.

ANYWAY, gorra bit of a BANGER of a weekend coming up starting this Thursday 26th of August where am heading to my place of birth, Leeds, for Leeds Festival where Rave Karaoke will be kicking of the weekends festivities from 8.45pm on the Alternative Stage. Am on before DJ Yoda AND Grandmaster Flash. BLOODY HELL.

Friday 27th am back in London and indeed in store at the high st mega mecca H&M Oxford Circus for an afternoon shop disco 4-8pm.

Saturday 28th it’s the Big Wedding Weekend at Southbank! SCREAM! I LOVE THIS SO VERY VERY MUCH. It’s the third year and indeed my third time to be the reception DJ for about 30 couples, their families, friends and wedding crashers (it’s a free party – come and join in!) for a big party of L.O.V.E. I am super excited for it. I love love and this is super love.

Sunday sees me as always at the glorious (it really is) W Hotel for W Does Brunch as I soundtrack the deluxe dining delight as you settle back on sofas and let the super ace W staff attend to your every need. Well within reason. They won’t bring you diamonds no mater how much you need them. But they will bring you bottomless Bloody Mary’s, a three course feast and fizzy alco-LOL. 12-4pm every Sunday, book it in here.

Will tell you about September and all that business in another post because right now I need to pack 400 glow sticks.

BYE

Hotter than July

July: SURE BABES

Although we’re only on the second day of the month as I type, many things can be hotter than this July. A cup of tea left out for a couple of hours, a faulty boiler, my freezing cold heart… God I always harp on about the weather. ‘Tis fundamental to our culture in this septic isle it seems. ANYWAY, back to the razzle dazzle disco business of which I should be quacking about as my life is non-stop exciting GLAMMA 24/7 of course.

After returning to London a weary muck-splattered sequinned soldier from my disco marathon at the muddiest Glastonbury EVER (true facts) on Monday – proving a touch more than a challenge for a person with a low tolerance for any kind of dirt – was unexpectedly smacked back to reality by hosting Old Queen’s Head always-LOLZ pop quiz, then playing records post-cabaret show at the beautiful Bloomsbury Ballroom last night. A welcome bounce back to be honest, otherwise I would have just sat on the sofa staring / got lost on Mail Online / despaired over the state of the WORLD etc. Re BB,  the show runs until the end of this month – you can find out more about it by clicking on these words.

Here be me dates this month

Sundays – all of them – W Does Brunch, W Hotel

The best way to spend Sunday, I promise. And I never lie.  A three course brunch of foodie delight awaits as you recline on sofas, pop on your complimentary slippers and spend your Sunday in a luxurious state of pampered bliss as the ever excellent W staff attend to your every dining and drinking need. They might just plump up your cushions if you ask nicely. I’m on disco duty behind the decks with a more soulful set as appropriate for a Sunday when ears can be a little delicate and in need of gentle reviving. 12-4pm, book in here

Friday 8th July – Razzmatazz, Pop Bar

Back in Barcelona so soon! Que bueno! Playing at crackers o’clock in the morning to a room of ridiculously fun people. Razz rules. As does Barcelona. CAN. NOT. WAIT. Info here!

Saturday 9th July – Private Party, Richmond

(easy) Jetting back for a private party in Richmond where all the deer live (it is a party for people not deers, to be clear). (But imagine playing at a deer’s birthday party…)

Friday 15th July – Wedding, Cotswolds

Providing the entertainment for a couple’s ding dong day in England’s glorious countryside.

Saturday 16th July – RAVE KARAOKE, Latitude Festival

Rave Karaoke makes its debut at one of the country’s BEST festivals. OI OI! Seriously, this place is MAGIC. Am in the cabaret tent at 7pm for a pre-sunset singing rave UP! Tickets / stuff here

Saturday 23rd July –  Soho House, 76 Dean St

Playing at the top of the house 9pm – 1am. I bloody love this place

Friday 29th July – RAVE KARAOKE, Kendal Calling

Back in banging Cumbria for the excellent Kendal Calling. Such a top festival in a truly breathtaking part of the world. Am in the House Party House (it is a house, promise) at 7pm to start their Friday night partying in super neon style. Tickets / info here 

Saturday 30th July – RAVE KARAOKE, Guilty Pleasures, KOKO

It’s been a while… bringing the bangers to my old stomping ground, the unstoppable Guilty Pleasures. Hosting the top bar and perhaps gracing the stage if there’s any glow sticks left… tickets / info here

 

That’s it for now. Follow me on Twitter for last minute additions / non-important information if you really really want

Saturday Night Soiree

Am doing a new disco at the splendid 76 Dean St Soho House. It’s on Saturday 16th April.

It’s called Saturday Night Soiree. Here’s some excitable words about it:

Push back the sofas, put on your favourite records and raid the drinks cabinet!

It’s 76’s Saturday Night Soiree!

A social shimmy in the heart of Soho at the top of the House. With Dj Anna Greenwood behind the decks, chi-chi cocktails behind the bar and a gang of merrymakers getting the party into a swing, it’s your new favourite night out. Come kick up your heels and join us for a vol-au-vont and a Babycham. Bottoms up and disco down!

What larks. Plus I play actual records. Vinyl ones that weigh a tonne and possibly are scratched and jump just like in the olden days. Still excellent fun though. An extra dimension to the disco. It’s starts at 9pm and stops at 1am. Then you can carry on in your own living rooms if you fancy. I think you should.

 

RAVE KARAOKE – LOVED UP!

RAVE KARAOKE – LOVED UP

THURSDAY 11TH FEBRUARY 2016 – OLD QUEENS HEAD

Pumping up 2016’s jam like Technotronic commanded, Rave Karaoke™ (yep that IS a trademark if you please) will be back at the Old Queen’s Head on Thursday 11th February doing just that and MORE.

<<<GET TICKETS HERE>>>

Kicking off 2016 at the brilliant Bugged Out Weekender in Bognor after a whirlwind of a debut year in 2015 – blagging appearances at festivals and parties throughout the UK – the glowsticks, whistles and VIBES, Rave Karaoke will be live and direct for your raving delight in London town once again. BANGING.

What with it being Valentine’s, we’re especially loved up for this month’s party and ready to share it with you all. Hosted by ME, the RK creator, I’ve got the love and all the tunes to make you move and sing yourself silly to – from Snap to So Solid Crew, Dizzee to Daft Punk, Reel 2 Real to Rozalla – choose your track, then take to the stage and RAVE.

Like normal karaoke the words are on the screen. Unlike normal karaoke you’re set for a proper trip so step to the mic, grab a glowstick and…get right on one!

Have you got the love? Can U feel it? Are you horny? Horny horny horny? Let RK be your fantasy and come and share the rave love!

Thursday 11th February, 8-11pm, Old Queens Head, Essex Road, London, N1 8LN

TICKETS HERE

FACEBOOK HERE

TWITTER HERE

N-TRANCE SET YOU FREE VIDEO HERE 

2016 – Starting with a BANG

Happy New Year! How long can you say this for? Sean Rowley and I tried to keep it going until April one year. Will see if he has improved on this.

Anyway, hiya, how was your Christmas? Did you get everything you asked for? I did. Because I sent a specific list and won’t accept anything else. Yeah, it’s like that. Deal.

It took me until New Year’s Eve to get into holiday mode, before that I was still in disco setting. Then I had to go to the disco as it was NYE and had a load of people on the Thames to play to and couldn’t lie on the sofa eating discounted seasonal confectionary. It’s a hard life etc. I mentioned up there in title of this post that the year started with a BANG, that’s because I was dressed like a Supernova for the Southbank Centre’s Vintage NYE Party. Look, here I am backstage:

KERPOW! So colourful! So exciting! So glam! So, er DRY! Four hours disco dancing djing under hot lights to excitable souls results in this though:

Oh heck. Worra soggy, saggy Supernova.

Was planning on skiiving through much of the early weeks of January, but found that I can’t. Well I CAN but I just won’t have any money or any work and so on. I like both those things and as I have seem to have bought half the shops during the sales, need to claw some coin back. Real talk.

Did it in a FUN way yesterday at H&M pop up on Brick Lane. It’s a Sportswear ONLY store for all the workout clobber they’ve just brought out fresh for the January resolutioners. Did a marathon DJ set 12-7pm and as it was all about the sports, got to wear an outfit fromt he collection and TRAINERS. Djing in trainers in the DREAM when usually trussed up in stillies and costumes and a face full of the MAC counter. I love this of course, but man, can see why other djs opt for the comfy get up.

Collection is ace. Looks good and wears well for people who like throwing themselves about a bit with heavy things and so on. Yes yes, I know this looks biased as am a H&M dj, but as a regular human who a) does a mental amount of exercise b) needs clothes to wear when doing this c) preferably nice ones and d) ones that are well made and comfortable – they’re getting high marks from me. I bought the rest of the collection. So can you. Here

The rest of the month am trying to get rid of endless STUFF in my flat that the age of consumerism makes us buy, going to lots of meetings with new clients to talk discos, feeling smug about not having to sit and cry over a pile of receipts as have already done my tax return (yes, I hate me too), trying to keep the annual resolution of seeing more films (so far seen one – Star Wars and LOVED IT) trying to take a day off each week and doing this:

EVERY SUNDAY – W DOES BRUNCH – W London Hotel

12-4pm, I play records. You eat amazing food. BOOK / INFO 

FRIDAY 15TH JANUARY – Private Party 

SATURDAY 16TH JANUARY – RAVE KARAOKE at BUGGED OUT WEEKENDER

Back where it all began – Bognor Butlins with the ace Bugged Out crew! Best way to wake up a mis January and it’s my birthday – come and have a ravey sing! BOOK / INFO 

FRIDAY 22ND JANUARY – H&M STAFF AWARDS

Will add to this as and when blah blah blah…

Tra

IIIIIIIT’S CHRIIIIIISTMAAAAAS!

Well it is in the party world. PARTY WORLD. Imagine if that were a real place. A 24/7 PARDEE. Like being in Made in Chelsea maybe.

But yes, Christmas parties are all a go-go and indeed it has been Christmas on the fourth floor of Liberty since August. I’m going to lots of these parties, but more as the turn than the guest. But no doubt they will all be glo-ooo-oooo-oooo-oooo-ooo-rious.

Here’s what I am doing on the last days of 2015:

FRIDAY DECEMBER 4TH – RAZZMATAZZ, BARCELONA

Popping up in the er, Pop Bar at crackers o’clock in the morning. It’ll be a ding dong of a disco as it always is in Catalunya’s capital’s number one club. Info! Tickets! Y mucho mas – aqui! 

SATURDAY DECEMBER 5TH – TO LONDON WITH LOVE, BLOOMSBURY BALLROOM

Christmas cabaret show with me whirling about in between and after some rather amazing acts who can do things with their bodies and voices most humans can’t. They’re kind of like superheroes in a way. Except their powers don’t extend to actual flight and / or shooting lazers out of their eyes. But maybe one day… anyway, you get an amazing dinner and show in a beautiful room – tickets and info here

SUNDAY DECEMBER 6TH, 13TH & 20TH – W DOES BRUNCH, W HOTEL

Step into the W Lounge, pop your slippers on and get set for a super deluxe Sunday where a three course brunch will be served to you by the wonderful W staff. I’ll be playing music throughout and all you have to do is sprawl around on sofas and generally slob out. In an elegantly refined way of COURSE. 12- 4pm every Sunday, book yourself in here and make the most of your weekend

TUESDAY DECEMBER 8TH – PRIVATE CHRISTMAS PARTY

(Soz)

THURSDAY DECEMBER 10TH – PRIVATE CHRISTMAS PARTY 

(Soz again)

FRIDAY 11TH DECEMBER – H&M OXFORD CIRCUS

Soundtracking the festive get-up getting from 12-4pm

PRIVATE PARTY THAT NIGHT IN A SNAZZY HOTEL

SATURDAY DECEMBER 12TH, TO LONDON WITH LOVE, BLOOMSBURY BALLROOM

See 5th December for info – or just go here

SUNDAY DECEMBER 13TH – W DOES BRUNCHW HOTEL

Here are Slade, the captains of Christmas to add some visual marvel to this list of words and words and words

MONDAY DECEMBER 14TH – CHRISTMAS CRACKERS KARAOKE, SOHO HOUSE

One-off seasonal special at the original Soho House in the last working week before Christmas. Unless you’re a nurse. Hosted by ME, there will be a selection of classic Christmas songs to sing, as well as prizes for best performance, most festive attire and most impressive embodiment of the season. Or something. To be honest I will be randomly awarding the prizes to whomever I think deserves one. A bit like Santa, but without the beard, reindeers and belly. So nothing like Santa. It’s for members only so hurry up and be one or get mates with one and come along – 7pm start.

WEDNESDAY DECEMBER 16TH – PRIVATE PARTY

It’s at One Embankment fyi.

THURSDAY DECEMBER 17TH – ANOTHER PRIVATE PARTY

Aaand, this one’s at Bloomsbury Ballroom.

FRIDAY DECEMBER 18TH – H&M OXFORD CIRCUS

Festive fever in central London, 12-4pm

SATURDAY DECEMBER 19TH – RAVE KARAOKE AT HOUSE PARTY, MANCHESTER

Bringing the rave up north and to my home town for this triple decker disco. Info and the like all over here – advance tickets are a bargain £5! STICK ONE IN YOUR STOCKING 

SUNDAY DECEMBER 20TH – W DOES BRUNCHW HOTEL

Last brunch before Christmas!

TUESDAY DECEMBER 22ND – H&M, OXFORD CIRCUS

Only three days until Christmas – COME PANIC BUY AND HAVE A DANCE 12-4pm

WEDNESDAY DECEMBER 23RD – WEDNESDAY 30TH

SITTING DOWN AND EATING

THURSDAY 31ST DECEMBER – VINTAGE NYE, SOUTHBANK CENTRE

Final hurrah of 2015 sees me take to the fantastic Southbank stage for a massive party in every room of this tremendous building. Not that I will be in EVERY room. As much as I would like to be, it’s not all about me. SIGH. Anyway, come say SEE YA to 2015 and HIYA to 2016 – tickets info and stuff here

And that’s IT. 2015 OVAH. Heck, that’s gone terribly fast hasn’t it? Ah well, best get on with new stuff for the New Year then. And maybe find some time to buy some presents before 25th…

MERRY BLOODY CHRISTMAS

November Rain

This post is named after the Guns n Roses song with the most bombastic video. Stephanie Seymour in a “sexy” wedding dress, Slash playing a guitar (sans amp) outside a church with a fag on, Axl doing some of his best acting in a flouncy shirt, an unnecessarily RUINED five tier wedding cake by a dramatic guest and a soggy dinner. Oh and rain. So much drama in such a short time. And didn’t people smoke LOADS in the olden days?

Apropos of nothing, here are my dates this month probs featuring a lot of rain thanks to the climate of this septic isle, but alas no wedding cakes for one to dive into.

THURSDAY NOVEMBER 5TH:

BALMAIN X H&M LAUNCH, H&M OXFORD CIRCUS,  9-1PM

Did the press launch a few weeks back, now it’s time for the WORLD to get their hands on the highly desired collaboration. Am doing the opening set of the day when the fashion fans have been queueing all night on a damp pavement and are knackered and then rewarded with their dream threads. It’s quite something.

PRIVATE PARTY, BLOOMSBURY BALLROOM

Then the above later. After a disco nap and so on

FRIDAY 6TH & SATURDAY 7TH NOVEMBER – LONDON NEVER DIES, BLOOMSBURY BALLROOM

Maybe I should sleep there this weekend. Am playing three nights, the latter two being the final hurrah of the London Never Dies cabaret nights which have been great fun. I like the old school styling of the night with dining and acts in between. Kind of like the clubs they go to in Goodfellas and so on. But with no murders or illegal dealings. Anyway, you can book in here for the last shows.

EVERY SUNDAY – W DOES BRUNCH, W HOTEL, 12-4PM

Deluxe dining delight int he heart of the capital. Every Sunday it’s W Does Brunch, bringing you an amazing menu of food and drinks, me djing, slippers and sofas to stretch out in and a TV room to enjoy your Sunday food coma in. It’s pretty good I cannot deny. Book in here 

THURSDAY 12TH NOVEMBER – RAVE KARAOKE, LUCKY VOICE BRIGHTON, 8-11pm

Getting them on a ragga tip by the seaside. Whistles! Glow Sticks! Technotronic! Baby D! 2 Unlimited! YOU?! Come and have a Thursday night lol below the streets in the Lucky Voice bar for a mid-week mini rave. It’s all the fun. Plus you get a free hour in the private karaoke rooms after for you and your crew! BANGING. Tickets here 

SATURDAY 14TH NOVEMBER – KANDYPOP, BOUNCE 9PM – 1AM

Ping pong disco! Goes UV after 11pm. Day-glo BALLS. Come and have a dance with me.

INTERLUDE: here’s Slash with a fag on in front of a church

AND RESUME:

TUESDAY 17TH NOVEMBER – PRIVATE PARTY

Not for nosies

WEDNESDAY 18TH NOVEMBER – CARRY ON KARAOKE, LUCKY VOICE ISLINGTON, 8-11PM

Back again for the themed Karaoke parties at the splendid Islington Lucky Voice. This month it’s all about the twos as we celebrate duos and duets! As Tammi and Marvin said (ok SANG) It Takes Two! Perhaps you fancy a Nelly and Kelly duet, or maybe you’re more Michael and Janet Jackson? Or even Dolly and Kenny! Spanning all music genres, decades and haircuts and a bonus free hour in the private karaoke rooms post-party. Whoop! BOOK HERE 

FRIDAY 20TH NOVEMBER – CHELSEA HARBOUR, H&M PRIVATE PARTY

First Christmas party of the year for my number one favourite high street store!

SATURDAY 21ST NOVEMBER – THE GHERKIN, PRIVATE BIRTHDAY PARTY

Playing right at the very top of the glass-clad amazing building, thrusting into the London skyline. I went and had a look at the room a few months ago and was bedazzled by the 360 degree views. My vertigo was in overdrive. I may need to be bolted down to stop the urge to LUNGE.

TUESDAY 24TH NOVEMBER – PRIVATE PARTY, CAFE DES PARIS

Snazzy

FRIDAY 27TH NOVEMBER – PRIVATE PARTY

Your name’s not down you’re not coming in

SATURDAY 28TH NOVEMBER – ROYAL MARSDEN PARTY, SUPERNOVA

The amazing hospital does an AMAZING party. Third year for me!

***********************

That’s it for now. Lots coming up in December though. Then I’ll be ready for my Christmas dinner. And a bloody good sit down.

Tra